Highlands Ranch High School
Society's Ideal of Beauty
In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how society's ideal of beauty changes with time. "For example, he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five-feet, one-inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she'd do in today's version of the contest?"
The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, "Not very well."
"Why is that?" asked the professor. "For one thing," the student pointed out, "She'd be way too old..."
Having a Bad Day
"I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis.
I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis. I don't know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had..."
How Many States Can You Name?
The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names.
He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13."
We're Not in Sherwood Forest
A duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow. "Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cried the duke. "I must find him!"
After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets. "You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you?" asked the duke worriedly.
"No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy." "That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service." The boy thanked him profusely.
"But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot." "Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree, and then I paint the target around it..."
Enjoy the site. Happy surfing.
During a phone conversation, my niece mentioned that she was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family."
"No, no," she replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester."
Q: How's your job at the history book company?
A: There's no future in it!
Q: What did your boss say to George Washington ?
A: You're history!
A Day At the Fort
Two cowboys were waiting in their fort for the Indians to attack. They listened to the distant pounding war drums. One cowboy muttered to the other, "I don't like the sound of them drums."
Just then, a distant voice came over the hill, "It's not our usual drummer!"
"Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know."
- J. Winter Smith
A teacher asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?" The reply was, "Washington DC."
On being asked what the "DC" stood for, the pupil added, "Dot com!"
My Daddy once told me: "The only time 'Success' comes before 'Work' is in the dictionary."
Q: How do you get a Harvard State graduate off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Highlands Ranch High School 9375 South Cresthill Lane Highlands Ranch, Colorado 80126 303-471-7000